I found my voice again.

I don’t know when it happened. It just kind of did. I stopped playing my guitar and along with it, I stopped pouring out my heart to Jesus. Doesn’t sound good does it? I still would read my Bible and write in my journal, and pray. But the raw, loud, passionate cries of my heart, confessed out loud to Jesus just kind of stopped.

Maybe I experienced one disappointment too many. Or maybe I lost my way without realizing it. Or maybe I decided it was time to grow up and get on with life. After all, Jesus doesn’t need to hear my cries and see my tears. Right?

But this evening things changed. I found my guitar and I found my voice and my overwhelmed heart began to sing…again.

It all began on the way to church yesterday. Before leaving I was reminded of an old song we used to sing in church entitled, “In the Presence of a Holy God.” Beth found a version of it on YouTube. We listened to it on our way to church and I sobbed. I was undone. (If you do not know what it means to be “undone” check out Isaiah 6. Here’s the link¬†http://www.esvbible.org/Isaiah+6/)

And then tonight I began to sing that same song to Jesus. Just Jesus and me having a moment together. That song led into another and then another. And I was undone all over again.

The holiness of God. The generous love of God. The brilliant plan of God. His goodness. His refusal to give up on me even when I have wandered away over and over. All of this crashed over me like a wave resulting in profound gratitude and utter relief. I’ve been made holy by the only one who is holy and I didn’t have a thing to do with it!!! I thought I was lost but it turns out I’ve been found!! I thought I was dead but it turns out I’m more alive than ever. I thought I had failed but it turns out I’ve exceeded expectations!

Maybe tonight was an exception and I once again will just kind of stop singing…or maybe tonight was the revival of something old made new.

Maybe Jesus has been wanting all along for He and I to meet man to man…heart to heart, like we used to do before I put my guitar away.

Maybe I’m the best version of me when I’m passionately and intimately connecting with Jesus, the one who no longer calls me a servant but rather, calls me His friend; the one who created me in the first place:-)

And maybe the same is true for you. Over and out.

(Below are the words to one of the songs used by Jesus this evening to break my heart…)

God so loved this whole world
That He gave his only Son
And if we will cleave to Him
We’ll not perish
But we’ll have eternal Life
And we’ll never be condemned
For God’s promises are Yes and Amen!

Though we walk through dark days
Where the earth and heavens shake
Through the valley of despair
He is with us
Never giving up on us
Faithful and forever friend
For God’s promises are Yes and Amen!

Through the cross we are saved
In the blood we put our faith
For there is no other way
In to heaven
Jesus conquered death and hell
Promised to return again
And God’s promises are Yes and Amen!

By Godfrey Birtill

 

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